How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
