He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I currently don't understand fingers.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
