I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
