I could make wine with my vomit
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
