every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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