Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
