I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
