im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
