I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
