Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
