i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
