Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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