I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
