I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I would fuck him just for his dog
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