I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
