i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
