dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
