I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
