rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
