That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
