Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
