lets start a swedish sibling band together
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
