Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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