We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
She made me pour olive oil on her.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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