Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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