What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
