Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
