highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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