i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
