I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
That's when you crack a 10am beer
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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