i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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