can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
