He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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