Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
