There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
