Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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