i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
17 year olds will be the death of me.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
