Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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