i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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