New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
