just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
