Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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