I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
