this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Less talking, more tequila
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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