I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
