why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
