i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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