We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
