She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
