hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
