i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
cat food counts as protein by the way
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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