smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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