So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
