dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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