i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
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