dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize