this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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