is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
These tits shall not be calmed
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
