i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
