Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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