Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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