my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
