Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
