Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
