well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
