That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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