Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
