I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I didn't notice because vodka
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
