She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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