Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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