i permit you to call me
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
