he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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