man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
