I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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