Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
