what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
