can u get pink eye on your cock?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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