i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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