i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize