I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
