did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
