I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
