Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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